I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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