my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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