how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
