Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
