...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
