I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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