Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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