exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
