I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
