It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
