Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so let's talk penis.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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