Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
