Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
