Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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