im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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