u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
