Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
