she looked like the before picture.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
