Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
