are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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