Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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