I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
