Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
