when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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