i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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