i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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