i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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