My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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