He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
