i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
