come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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