She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
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she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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