Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I still have a little drunk in my system
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
is that a dick in a sweater?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
