I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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