I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
