Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
