i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
