Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
