I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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