I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
