I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
