Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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