I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
