bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
