you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
