I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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