Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
