you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My feet surprised me
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
