I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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