He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i've created a new STD.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
