sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
