I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
