Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
