Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
