but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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