My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
