Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
