Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
