i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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