I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
