You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
