hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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