my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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