me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
