I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
