It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
