I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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