I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
