dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
