xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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