a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
