worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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