I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
