I'm so fucking centered right now
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize