Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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